Wednesday, April 27, 2005


Found: 15 pounds. If lost, please reclaim immediately.

Sigh. I can't ignore it any longer. I really am starting to pudge up uncomfortably.

I thought maybe the pounds (whoops, kilos) would magically disappear when I wasn't nursing full-time. Then I deluded myself into thinking that when I returned to work, all that walking to and from the bus stop would do the trick. No such luck.

I told myself that when it was spring, we'd get out of the house more in the evenings, and I'd walk more on my lunch hour. Both are true, but the weight isn't budging.

I had hoped that once my life stabilized a bit, I would be able to work in some weekly time for workouts at the gym. Nope, that's definitely not happening.

What to do? The gym costs too much, both from a financial and temporal perspective. I just don't have the resources to devote to it right now. I could theoreticaly work out on my own at home - I've done it before, I've got some free weights and therabands and even a big medicine ball. Heck, I prefer weight training to aerobic exercise anyway. But when? I already get up at 5:30 and can barely stay awake until the kids go to bed as it is. Yes, working out would probably give me more energy and stamina, but I can't justify more time away from them at this point. Mommy guilt scores again.

I skimmed through Dr Phil's Weight Loss Solution book, and the one thing I took from it is the idea of a no-fail environment. Sounds like a fabulous theory. Except living with a junk food junkie and his preschooler protegés leads me too easily to temptation.

The thing is, I completely and utterly lack will power. I understand that I eat for emotional reasons, and that I medicate myself with food. I totally see that for me, junk food is an entitlement thing - I deserve it! I work hard, I am a good girl, goddammit the least I can do at the end of a long and stressful day is enjoy a handful of pork rinds without making a federal case out of it. Sad, but so very true. And let's face it, when three out of the four people in a house love McDonalds for dinner, and the fourth person is too tired to be anything but ambivalent, it's easy to make the wrong choices.

I am toying with joining Weight Watchers online. There's no way I can commit to going to WW meetings, but the online thing might work, at least from a time perspective. The problem is, I've never believed in diets. Perhaps since I'm about (revision: at least) 15 lbs overweight and have always had weight struggles, I shouldn't be so proud to say I've never been on a diet, but it's true. I'm hoping the WW online thing will help me learn to make better choices, and ideally, will help me teach the men in my life how to eat better, too.

What do you think? Have you tried WW online? Did it work for you? Any other thoughts?