Wednesday, June 22, 2005



How do you make decisions? Big decisions, I mean. It's true, I have a lot of trouble with little decisions, like what to have for dinner every damn day (a blog for another day) and what to wear and whether to choose the Berrylicious or the Summer Bronze gloss.

But if I have trouble with minutia, I positively agonize over big decisions. I've found myself at a fork in my career path. Remember that competitive process I was talking about? Seems I did pretty well. So well, in fact, that I have two offers on the table, much to my shock and dismay. (I tell you, there's just no pleasing some people!)

Down one road lies a change in direction, probably a new way of working, a shift out of my comfort zone... and a permanent increase in salary and responsibility. Plus the chance to work with someone I really like and admire, but with whom I have never worked before.

Down the other road lies more of what I've been doing for the last year or two, with a temporary increase in salary and responsibility (an acting assignment rather than a permanent offer, for those of you who speak government.) Also down this path is my current manager, mentor and substitute mother, easily the best person I have ever worked for and with.

I wasn't expecting to be given the choice, and I have to admit that I didn't handle the surprise well. I was a wreck yesterday and I'm not entirely sure why. It's quite silly that I would be upset really. As one colleague said, "You don't look very happy for a girl with the world at her feet."

In the fresh light of morning, I think being caught off guard in having to make any choice at all was a part of my reaction. I'm not good with change at the best of times, but change that jumps out of the bushes and surprises you is worse. The fact that I had less than 24 hours to make my choice didn't help matters, either.

The largest part, however, was the fact that after feeling overwhelmed and out of control for quite a while, I have just recently settled in again. Ever since my epic wail for help, I have been feeling (touch wood) ever so much better. Quite wonderful, in fact. And Shrek may say, "Change is good, Donkey," but I'm not convinced I agree with him. 103rd thing about me: not good with change.

Sorry for the navel-gazing today. Still working through my decision, I guess. I have, in fact, made my decision, but I haven't told anybody here yet. If you're curious, let me know and I'll talk about it some more another time.

So back to my original question: when big decisions are thrust upon you, how do you handle them? Do you ponder? (Yvonne, I'm nodding in your direction!) Do you leap? Do you consult? (I live my life by consultation. Did you know that just by virtue of stumbling by, you are a member of the Danigirl Board of Management?) Do you write long lists of pros and cons? Do you flip coins? And sure, tell me what you would do if you were me. I'm curious!