Friday, September 23, 2005


Breathe deeply, Friday is here

This post was supposed to be a photo-illustrated re-cap of a wonderful walk the boys and I took last weekend to feed the birds and chipmunks at Hog's Back Falls. But, I have been trying to get Blogger to cough up my images for 36 minutes now, and that's about the end of my patience. I have tried to upload the photos countless times, but Blogger keeps seizing in mid-upload, or gets all the way to the end and tells me it's done, but when I come back to my post there continue to be no pictures. Grrrr.

It has been an atrociously long week. A week that found me in tears twice, once in sheer frustration and exhaustion at home with the boys, and once in a spectacular little meltdown in my cubicle witnessed by only one person - but just the kind of person I'd rather not be vulnerable in front of. Aside from choking up watching hurricane coverage and news stories about hurt or missing children, I'm not much of a crier when I'm upset. When I'm happy, I bawl like a baby, but I really hate losing it at work.

I find myself sliding down into that unhappy place I was a few months ago. I have way too much to do, and can't imagine how I'm going to please even half the people who are expecting things from me. Bosses, clients, children (they belong in the first category), husband, friends... I feel like I've let them all down this week because I can only give them a piece of what they expect from me, not all of what they want or deserve. Once again, there is simply not enough of me to go around. I have so many ideas for great things I'd like to write, to create, to try - and I don't even have enough time to pick up the dog crap in the backyard. I haven't been to the gym in three weeks. W-w-w-h-h-h-i-i-i-n-n-n-e-e-e....

I truly wish I could describe my week to you here, because the ludicrous hoops I've had to jump in the name of bureaucracy are worthy of an epic novel. But, I have this personal rule about not to getting fired, and alienating my colleagues and senior management is probably not such a good idea either. Damn, I guess there is something to be said for anonymity.

I want to erase this whole post and start over, but I'm already almost an hour into this and it's too late to start over so what the hell.