Change is good, Donkey

Bah! I don't care how much credibility you give a seven foot animated ogre, change is never good.

The good news is, Beloved's part-time teaching looks like it might be morphing into a full-time position in the relatively near future. The term "tenure" has even been dangled tantalizingly, as the school's current staff of baby boomers drift toward retirement.

"That's great!" you say. "Congratulations to Beloved!"

And I say, "Yeah, but..."

I'm glad that he's getting some respect from his school, because he's worked hard to prove himself. It will be nice for him to have a regular, guaranteed day job instead of a patchwork of courses that are subject to cancellation and change on a whim. (It seems every semester leaves us scrambling as last minute schedule changes are made, courses are added and subtracted, and we struggle to balance three jobs in two provinces with daycare priorities.) And let me tell you, the extra cash certainly won't hurt.

Except if Beloved is working full time, that means he can't stay home with the boys part-time anymore. And that breaks my heart.

For three years, I've been able to temper my role as working mother with the thought that the boys are only in daycare part time, and spend more of the week with at least one of their parents than they do with the daycare provider.

The irony is that it took me a very long time to get over my resentment of being at work while Beloved was at home with the boys. I wanted to be the part-time worker, and at the beginning I know Beloved was a little overwhelmed by being a primary caregiver. I used to worry that Beloved wasn't doing things the right way (read: my way), that the boys watched too much TV and didn't get outside enough and that the dishes got stacked backwards in the dishwasher.

And then somewhere in the last few months I realized that it's been working out great for all of us. The boys are thriving and Beloved makes a great stay-at-home dad. While I still wish it were me working part-time, it no longer feels so terribly wrong to be at work while the rest of them are at home or out and about. I don't worry about them anymore.

Nothing is finalized yet, but there is actually more than one potential position opening up for Beloved, so the chances are good he'll be in a full time position within a few months. However, I've learned not to count on anything until the contracts are signed!

I know we've been lucky, that Beloved's staying home with the boys this far has been a gift. I know Simon is almost two, and Tristan will actually even be going off to school in the fall. I know that even if I'm not 100% satisfied with our current daycare arrangements (a blog for another day), the boys are treated like members of the family there and are genuinely loved.

But it still sucks. Change is not good.