Friday, June 02, 2006


The one with the conspiracy theory

This is how I imagine the conversation went:

Tristan: Hey, Simon!

Simon: Huh?

Tristan: You want to have some fun?

Simon: Yah!

Tristan: You want to see if we can make Mommy and Daddy snap?

Simon: Yah!

Tristan: Okay, here’s what we’ll do. You’re really good at waking up. You wake up every day at exactly five o’clock, okay?

Simon: Okay!

Tristan: And me, I’m going to start staying up late. They’ll put us to bed, but I won’t go to sleep. I’ll make Daddy read me four or five or even six books, but I won’t go to sleep. I’ll keep getting up and no matter how much they beg, threaten, or cry, I will NOT stay in my bed. Every single night, I'll ask, "But WHY do kids have to go to bed?" And then I'll say I'm thirsty and I need a drink of water, and then I'll say I forgot to give Katie a goodnight kiss, and then I'll say I have to go potty.

Simon: Yah!

Tristan: And I’ll make sure to stay up well past 9 pm every night, even though Mommy can barely stay awake past 9 pm herself. It will be like a contest, to see who can stay awake the longest.

Simon: Yah!

Tristan: So between me staying up late and you getting up early, there will be less than eight hours of sanity time in the house, which will drive Daddy buggy. And we know Mommy can’t function if she has less than eight hours sleep. And the best part is, because you go to bed early and I sleep late in the mornings, we’ll be perfectly fine while Mommy and Daddy unravel like a cheap sweater!

Simon: Brilliant plan, brother. Let’s do it!