Friday, July 07, 2006


Hidden talents?

I'm watching America's Got Talent again. (I know, I know - I can't help myself. It's been on three weeks and I've mentioned it three times already. What can I say, I'm hooked. It's like chips and dip - I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help myself, especially when there's no other worthy distractions around.)

Leonid the sparkly Slavic sword balancer with the pink wings (!) has just skipped across the stage after an emotional plea that actually left me choked up. Really. I blame my hormones.

Actually, it's something the previous contestant said that resonates with me. He was the rather disturbing looking contortionist-guitar player, and one of the judges asked him, 'What would make you learn how to do something like this?'

He shrugged and said, 'I just need the attention, I guess.'

Yep, that's why I blog. I just need the attention, I guess. Hell, that's not just why I blog, that's my life!

But really what I've been thinking about is that I need a special talent like that. Not so much the contortionist guitar player, but what about the guy who balanced the stove on his face, or the guy with the parrot hiding in the pretty coloured scarves, or the guy with the flaming bowling ball and the scorpion in his pants? I mean, really!

Everybody should have a parlour trick, a hidden talent, something you only do after two or three beers that always impresses people the first time you do it but annoys the hell out of your significant other, who knows when you haul out that tired old trick that it must be nearly time to find your coats and shoes and get the hell out of there before you decide you are best buddies with the other drunk guy in the corner talking to the plant.

Not that it would earn me a million dollars, but people always seem impressed that I can clap with one hand. (It's a lot of fun to get a whole dinner party table waving flapping their wrists around, trying to do it. Dang, now you're never going to invite me over for a dinner party, are you?)

And I can do that lipstick thing that Molly Ringwald did in The Breakfast Club, but now that I've breastfed two babies and my 34Ds have become 34 longs, it ain't so pretty to see anymore.

What's your hidden talent?