In which my four year old outwits me

For the most part, potty training Tristan was a breeze. He waited until he was three and a half to be ready for it, but when he was ready, the transition was quick, painless and relatively dry. From the last day of diapers, we've had a total of maybe a dozen accidents at most. A year and a half later, however, one hurdle remains.

He refuses to wipe his own butt.

We've tried cajoling, reasoning, bribing and ignoring him, but he outwaits us every time. And for reasons I'll never understand, the vast preponderance of the time, he likes to go when we are sitting at the dinner table.

Tristan, from the bathroom: "I'm done."

Me, at the table: "Good."

(pause)

Tristan: "Are you coming?"

Me: "No. Wipe yer own butt."

Tristan, whining: "I can't!"

Me: "Yes, you can."

Tristan: "I don't want to!"

Me: "Well, that's probably closer to the truth. You have to learn to wipe your own butt, Tristan. Big boys wipe their own butts."

(pause)

Tristan: "Is this Monday?"

Me, unfazed at the non-sequiter: "No, it's Saturday."

Tristan: "Well, I only wipe my own butt on Mondays."

How do you argue with logic like that? He may have won again today, but you can bet he's not getting away with it come Monday!

(Edited to add: and by God if he didn't wipe his own butt on Monday. By his choice, mind you. He called from the bathroom, I reminded him it was Monday, and he said "Oh, okay" and did it. Who knew??)