Monday, April 02, 2007


(Potty) Mouths of Babes

I'm so good to you. I mean, I could fill an entire blog with the cute (and sometimes scandalous) things my kids are saying these days. Heck, if it's good enough for a bad TV show with Bill Cosby, it's good enough for you! But rather than draw out the torture, I've been saving up a few nuggets to share with you in one indulgent helping.

Some things they say are unintentionally hilarious, such as when the boys were playing with Woody and Buzz from Toy Story and Simon got a little too rough. Tristan said, "Hey, be careful with my big Woody!"


The boys have a new game, along the lines of Marco Polo. Tristan calls out in a pinched faux-British voice "Hello!" and either Simon or Beloved respond with "Moto!" and a bad imitation of the cell ring tone's bad electro-funk dance music. It's especially funny to see Simon do his Hello Moto dance with his elbows tucked tight to his side and his index fingers thrusting upward in time to the beat he is mangling.


Tristan has recently begun to chafe under the rules of the house. Whether he is being told to shut down the computer or to eat his dinner, the result is a theatrical eye roll and lament about how he can't wait until he is a grownup and done with rules. (Hah!) The best one, though, was this past weekend as he was being subject to the injustice of having his toenails cut after a bath.

"Someday I'm going to be a grown-up," he began in a philosophical tone, "I'm going to have a house, and be a daddy and have kids of my own." While Beloved and I beamed, he continued, "And my kids will always be allowed to have long toenails."


And then of course there are those moments when you know you have noone to blame but yourself.

Overheard while Simon and Tristan were wrangling over who knows what, Simon: "It's my freakin' turn!"


We were at the dinner table when Tristan was recounting his day. "And then I was in a time out while the other kids were playing, and it was for a really long time, and it was pissing me off!" His tone and inflection were perfect. He's obviously got that phrase down to a science.


Simon is going through a particularly affectionate stage right now, which is a good self-preservationist counter-balance to the particularly stubborn phase he is also going through right now. The other day he came barrelling up to me and threw his arms around me in a pint-sized bear hug, then released me and patted me fondly on the stomach. "I love your big, fat belly, Mommy!" he told me with oblivious affection.